The Return to I, and a meditation

I have been avoiding the deeper parts of myself. Strange, as I would normally run wildly towards them. Lately, manifesting my art had become the most important thing to me. And of course, that too is spiritual, losing yourself in the act of creation.

In the last few days,as I have reflected upon my patterns, I realized that it had been many a day, many a week, many a month(?) since I had meditated. And I was feeling the funk, the static, the sludge. Finally fed up and pissed off, I sat my teary emotionally drained self down, searching for a moment of inner silence.

The effect was immediately profound. Churning rivers ran from my eyes, from a place I could not reach. "What is all this about? Where is it coming from. Why am I hurting? I have come to a place in my life where things are pretty solid, there is no drama. I dug around a little deeper, and there met a wisp of some old forgotten shame sprinkled with guilt. It was attached to no particular action, no particular memory. Just a shadow of something long ago repressed and put away. These feelings were waiting patiently in the recesses of my being for expression, so that they too might be free. They wanted only to be acknowledged as valid experiences, to be appreciated for their contribution to who I have become.

I then began this powerful ritual, it came to me then, I share it with you now:

Imagine that you are sitting in the center of a giant lotus,(mine was pink, for love)
The root of the lotus reaches into the Earth.
The pink (or color that you choose) energy begins to enter your toes, filling every cell, every particle of every cell. Slowly it fills your feet, ankles, legs. Imagine every organ, blood vessel,bone filled with this delicious energy. All the while say to yourself "Every particle within this body is filled with love." Of course it could be compassion, or generosity, whatever the attribute.
When your whole body is full of this liquid light, imagine radiating it outward, endlessly flowing into the Universe, illuminating All That Is.

Blessings on your inner journey.

...shadows on the inside

Someone very dear to me just told me about the disturbing dreams she had been having over the past few nights. She remembers feeling tremendous shame in one, and being afraid of evil in another.

" This is wonderful!" I told her. I know it sounds crazy, but its true.

When we feel sad, or are having scary, fearful, thoughts, or dreams, or if we are feeling depressed or deeply frustrated, guilty or ashamed, we are being given a wonderful opportunity to integrate. The disturbing dreams are the shadows revealing themselves, so that they may be attended to, acknowledged, and ultimately loved. These darker emotions only become toxic when they become imprisoned in our bodies and psyches. They don't want to be stuck in us anymore than we want them to be stuck in us. But ignoring them doesn't make them go away. Ignoring the shadows actually makes them grow, they will do what they can to get our attention, which can often lead to an explosion, nervous breakdown, or other uncontrollable emotional blowout.

When we notice an uncomfortable emotion, feeling, thought or dream making itself known, we have a chance to become aware of ourself as a whole being. Allow yourself to feel the shame, or guilt. Say I love you, to the part of yourself that feels this way. It is a part of yourself that doesn't believe its worthy of love.

These feelings are coming up more and more as we move through this spiritual evolution that we have all come here to witness. Yes, allow them. When you look at these feelings as an opportunity to understand wholeness, they will have, less if any power over you. They will become your tool, your mirror to meet your divine and infinite self.