Monday, January 19, 2009

God who??

I grew up Catholic, it was the only religion that I knew even existed for a long time. See, I went to Catholic school for most of elementary, middle school and two years of high school. I also grew up in the eighties in Denver. Not much to say for diversity, we had (in order of majority) Whites, Latinos, and Blacks. Things are a lot different here now, different all over the U.S., I am sure.

I was the kid that all the teachers loved, except in religion class. I always seemed to ask the questions that irked and unnerved the nuns and teachers. There were things that just didn't make sense to me, and I wanted an explanation. Why weren't there any female priests? What happened to people who never heard of Jesus, and therefore couldn't accept him as their Lord and Savior? Were they all going to hell for their ignorance? How do we really know Mary was a virgin? Maybe she just didn't want to tell the truth cuz she knew they would stone her. Did God really make the whole world in seven days?

The questions went on and on.

I received feeble answers that did nothing to satisfy my need for understanding. Blind faith eluded me. I continued to make an effort to follow the commandments, went to church, and prayed to the loving, yet fearful God who lived somewhere out there.

Imagine my shock, at the tender age of 19, when I discovered the Goddess."The WHAT??" I asked myself, as I pulled the heavy volume from the shelf at the library. I had just moved to San Diego with a couple of girlfriends a few weeks prior, freshly out from under the thumb of my religious community in Denver. It was a day I will never forget, etched clearly in my mind. I found myself meandering among the isles, looking for feminine images for some drawings I was working on, and there she was, a female God who predated my God.

I hurriedly gathered as many books on the subject that I could carry. Over the next few weeks I poured through them, absorbing ancient lore about this Goddess. The Earth Goddess.
I learned that the pagans, that are looked upon so poorly by Catholics, were the followers of the Goddess, and that the word witch meant wise woman. So much.

I then began reading books about other religions, there were so many belief systems out there. Ancient belief systems, and I knew in my heart that a loving God wouldn't condemn someone for their beliefs.

I was mad at the Catholic God, and Jesus too, for awhile. I felt like I had been tricked.

Then sometinhg real beautiful happened, I started to realize that God was in me, not out there.
That everything was God, and that the word God didn't even cover it. Life, all life animate/inanimate, seen/unseen, was divine.


Monday, January 12, 2009

In everything??

"Is God a boy?" my 4 year old daughter asked me?

Darn that day-care center, I thought. Though, I really did love the center, and the woman who took care of mine and many other children. My daughter stopped going there over 2 years ago, when she entered school. But her mind was fertile soil for the religious seeds that were seemingly planted there.
I know it's my fault too, I can't seem to deny her the "Veggie Tales" videos that she picks out when we go to the library.

"Not really, God isn't just a boy. God is really everything. All things have God in them." I respond.

"Uh-uh" she says, "God is a boy, a baby, named Jesus"

"That is just one story of God. God is everywhere, in all things, all the time."

"So, is God my bed?"

"Yes, your bed, your food, your friends and family, everything!" I say, hoping I am getting thru to her.

" Everything? Even poop?"

Aw, man...leave it to a child.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

...shadows on the inside

Someone very dear to me just told me about the disturbing dreams she had been having over the past few nights. She remembers feeling tremendous shame in one, and being afraid of evil in another.

" This is wonderful!" I told her. I know it sounds crazy, but its true.

When we feel sad, or are having scary, fearful, thoughts, or dreams, or if we are feeling depressed or deeply frustrated, guilty or ashamed, we are being given a wonderful opportunity to integrate. The disturbing dreams are the shadows revealing themselves, so that they may be attended to, acknowledged, and ultimately loved. These darker emotions only become toxic when they become imprisoned in our bodies and psyches. They don't want to be stuck in us anymore than we want them to be stuck in us. But ignoring them doesn't make them go away. Ignoring the shadows actually makes them grow, they will do what they can to get our attention, which can often lead to an explosion, nervous breakdown, or other uncontrollable emotional blowout.

When we notice an uncomfortable emotion, feeling, thought or dream making itself known, we have a chance to become aware of ourself as a whole being. Allow yourself to feel the shame, or guilt. Say I love you, to the part of yourself that feels this way. It is a part of yourself that doesn't believe its worthy of love.

These feelings are coming up more and more as we move through this spiritual evolution that we have all come here to witness. Yes, allow them. When you look at these feelings as an opportunity to understand wholeness, they will have, less if any power over you. They will become your tool, your mirror to meet your divine and infinite self.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

bucks, loot, dinero, chips...

Lately, I have had a hard time falling asleep. Got alot on my mind, mad busy lately.

So check it, instead of counting the proverbial sheep to fall asleep, count money. For real! It is a great way to create abundance consciousness.

Whatever we are thinking about at the juicy moment right before we fall asleep, has extra access to the sub-conscious. This is a perfect chance to place a suggestion of money and prosperity into the sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious is the part of the mind that does the work of creating the circumstances we experience in the material world. ( for more on this subject, check the book Urban Soul Warrior)

I count money in hundreds, I say it clearly in my mind, or whisper it. "one hundred dollars, two hudred dollars, three hundred dollars..." It is very important to say or think the word 'dollars'.
The last number I can remember counting too last night was somewhere aroung twenty-thousand dollars. Use any denomination you like...

Monday, January 5, 2009

Urban Soul Warrior

Come kick it with me...Events:

Book Reading and Signings-

January 23rd 7:00 PM @ Bizarre Bazaar 4986 Lowell Blvd, Denver,

January 24th 11:00 AM American Library Association, @ Colorado Convention Center,
14th & Stout, Denver

January 27th 7:30 PM Boulder Bookstore 107 Pearl St., Boulder CO

January 30th 9:00 PM @ Cafe Nuba, Cross Roads Theater in Five Points, Denver CO

Sunday, January 4, 2009

i be...

i be...
coffee drinkin',
keyboard clickin',
tofu smokin,
tree huggin'
reggae playin',
veggie eatin',
baby lovin'
hat makin'
thought thinkin' needin'.